Argh.. still many many more days to go to just sit at home and do absolutely nothing.. my baby haven been coming to come see me as he have been busy working to meet our dreams come true.. such a sweetheart he is.. all i have been doin is playing my PSP games.. and eating..sleeping..surf net.. nothing else to do.. god help me..

Munira got all senti+mental about my previous entry that she even blog senti+mental stuff.. haiz.. i guess we both got emotional during this end of the years.. Well..since i got alot of time to sit and think.. maybe i can start thinking about new year resolutions:

1) A smoother sailing relationship with My family.
2) A smoother sailing relationship with My Jaanu Rajaie Shah.
3) A smoother sailing relationship with My In Laws to be.
4) Less stress and more fun in life.
5) Reach the target mark for me and jannu baby to get married.
6) Love my baby more.
7) Understand people and things around me better.
8) Aim at being happy on my own.
9) SAVE SAVE SAVE MONEY!!
10) Capture more moments on camera for future use.
11) Climb high in my career line.
12) Take Good care of my body.
13) Make my baby jaanu smile more ( see pic below.. a rare pic of him smiling and Im Luving it!!!)
13) And the list will go on and on..

Above are just those that matter the most to me... there should be more.. but this are just those i have to act on.. haiz.. I really pray that 2008 is my year.. a good year.. a good start..

To all those whom i have hurt or insulted.. Im Sorry.. please forgive me.. although to some i am NOT apologising.. i think u noe who u are.. i am happy that u got what u got from me.. Other than that.. im signiing off..

Im typing this out of boredom.. i was given 16 days mc to rest at home and do nothing.. doc thinks its good for me.. BUT NO!! its driving me nuts!! i got nothing to do.. its only like 2 days down.. I DUNNO WAT TO DO!! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! i cant go out.. cant leave state.. jannu is working.. cant go out with me.. what am i to do.. im depress.. sad.. dunno wat to do.. haiz..

You must be wondering what happened to me right.. well.. i myself dunno.. i guess.. i have some kinda mental break down or something.. i dun remember what happened.. im given heavy medications to take and rest at home... i guess too much stress is never good right!! well.. im bored bored bored bored!! baby jaanu.. i miss u so much!~

Hey Laydees and Gentlemanz.. its been a while since a blog.. well well.. what have i been up to u might ask.. well.. i dun quite remember the date but i went out with Munira.. we went around shopping for prezzies for my family.. no no.. not for christmas but for their birthdays.. i just got my bonus and i tot i get them prezzies la..

For my mum i bought her a pair of gold earrings and a ring.. for my dad a seiko watche.. and a PSP for my brother.. and of course.. for me.. a PSP too!! I know.. cuhrazy right.. buy 2 sets at one go.. well.. why not.. one for me and one for him.. so no fights!!

Anyways.. all this was made easy by munira.. damn.. it was easy shopping with her.. her advise comes direct.. and she wont force u or whatever.. u need a shopping buddy.. bring munira.. Gal.. for my wedding.. u sure are coming to help me SHOP!! lol..

I have always said that i dun have a galfren.. i cant seem to find one..etc.. etc.. well.. i was totally wrong..she was just under my nose and i didnt see her.. ANOTHER bee and i didnt see her.. that day when i went out shopping with her.. i was thinking.. hey.. I DO HAVE A GF!! damn i was happy!.. i even told jaanu.. and he said yeah.. like duh.. didnt u see it!??lol..

Well.. I am happy at this realisation.. i got a genuine GF.. not someone who will steal my fiance away.. or give me bad advices.. or try to make use of me.. or show off their titties on the net.. someone humbler.. down to earth.. and respectful.. non other then Munira Bee!! WOOOOH!!! ( for ur reference.. here is a pic of her for u!!)[[[ PS: Anyone interested..ask me ok.. i'll recommend..lol]]]

Well.. When i got home and my parents saw the bag of goodies.. they couldnt wait but ask me what i got them and all..so i spill the beans early and gave them everything.. my mother was in total tears.. sooo happy.. my father was his usual compose self thanking me and all.. my brother was in total shock.. totally shocK!!! he was tooo happy.. until speechless.. lol.. cutely.... okla.. thats all..update more later..

Dearest Aunt, ( u noe who u are)

I tried some of ur method.. and I think u went through what i went before so u sure noe what ur talking about.. i didnt feel like driving cause im afraid i might kill myself.. I didnt feel like going to beach cause im scared i might drown myself.. i didnt feel like shopping cause i got to save money for my upcoming wedding.. I didnt feel like talking to my parents cause they are partly the cause of my problems..

So what i did.. i went to talk to my baby.. i settled his part of the problem first.. it was easy to settle cause i misunderstood him.. i still tot of him differently.. once everything on his side is settled.. like u said.. i fell into the safest hands on earth.. My Baby Jaanu's Open Arms..

Oh gawd.. it was like a safe haven... I tottally feel at peacee with myself.. atlast i was back to normal.. a good talk with him.. alittle manja and some love form him.. i feel much better and back to normal.. haiz.. the wonders of your own husband's arms.. Can really do magic!!

Now.. I have a different problem.. haiz.. i am in a shopping dillema.. I dunno should i get myself a Lavender PSP since purple is my fav colour.. or a purple lappy.. the new acer lappy.. or.. should i just save the money.. i feel more of getting a PSP.. but all i see people doing on it is play games.. i want to surf the net and all too.. so i really aint sure. a lappy aint easy to carry around and all am i right.. well. I think most likely ill end up with a PSP.. haiz.. confusioN!!

Got to go now.. have to go work later.. Love u Munz!! muahz!~

I have become one super sensitive over zealous snapping loud mad crying non stop ANGER BIATCH!!! I had no idea why..

Every single thing angers me.. if it doesnt anger me.. it saddens me to the max.. I have no normal emotions anymore.. where have my smile and happiness gone to?? I have become a stone..

Anger... ANGER is all i feel.. angry at what u asked... well.. when i sit and think.. IM ANGRY AT MYSELF!!! Why the heck did i let myself go to this state of anger and frustrations and anger..

I am sorry to my loved ones for my flaws right now.. but im not totally sorry cause ALL OF U ARE TO BE BLAMED!! I give u people face.. u people stomp all over me until I am no longer myself.. I Dunno what the heck I AM ANYMORE!!!

I dun even respect myself anymore.. right now.. im am really EMOTIONLESS!! I AM ANGRRRRYYYY!!! GAWWWWDDD!!!! ANGRY ANGRY!!! I dunno how to vent all this much frustrations that I have.. Indirectly...I notice that i have already been ignoring my love ones cause one thing.. i dun want to hurt them.. cause they hurt me too much already.. and secondly.. I CANT BE BOTHERED ABOUT THEM RIGHT NOWWW!!

NOW i am one selfish bitch.. from now on.. its gonna be all about ME!! I Dun care if cutting my hair short would hurt anyone of u!! I dun care if piercing my nose is gonna hurt u.. I DUN CARE!!

The problem is.. all this anger had made me lethargic.. i dun have the energy to do anything at all.. when i go to work.. i get a bit of peace of mind.. cause im occupied.. but once im on the bus home.. ARGH!! everything starts again.. DUn come and tell me im suffering from stupid depression or whatever crap oK!!
i Just have so much anger at myself.. thats all..

I have become stupid.. i have become someone who listens to orders.. accomodate them.. always make them happy... keep on compromisng about me.. until i LOST THE REAL ME!! I Want to look for farhana again.. where the heck is she!!Farhana means happiness.. well apparently.. MY FOOT!! My parents must have look at some stupid dictionary when they chose my name...it means to torture herself till death!!

Haiz.. i hope i get out of this phase soon.. Im just so depressed.. I just keep to myself.. dun do anything mch.. and i learn to be silent.. silent is good.. no talk means no mistakes.. wont anger people.. i just keep quiet.. thime to talk.. ill talk.. other than that im just gonna shut up! and ill only choose what i want to hear.. i dunno why i have a hard time expressing myself.. i cant express my points across easily unlike some people..

When i try to point to people their mistakes.. it always gets turn around and it becomes my mistake.. and what i do? I shut up and accept..then i become to tally depressed.. i surpressed my feelings until right now.. it has hit rock bottom and DUBABOOOM!!!!!!!! IM FARKING ANGRY!!!!!!

WHy farhana.. why the heck did u let urself get to this stage.. WHY!! I hate the people around me right now.. simply hate all of them... I need a life.. i need time.. I need to do something about myself.. but what is something that i need to know.. I dunno what is it that i need to do.. but i got to do it fast before i do something stupid to myself like some people.. cutting oneself isnt the only outway.. imaginary frens isnt the only outway.. I DUNNO WHAT THE HECK IS THE OUTWAY!! SO FUCK OFF!!!! ARGH!!!

I met this guy..during work.. namely Azmi.. he is a reservist la.. so we went patrolling last night shift.. turns out he is very phase in terms of relationships.. damn i learn alot from him.. he seems to be knowing of how guys actually feel.. and he gave me very good advises about relationships... he is 24 years of age and is a bartender at one of the bars in sentosa.. so need advices.. go find him there...

I learn that u must really really understand the partner and accept it.. if ur partner loves to go out with gals.. let him be.. but my just noe his limits.. both of u be happier this way.. just accept it and dun expect them to change.. cause one thing for sure is.. before u met them.. they are already that way.. accept it.. but.. when mistakes are made.. then changes and forgiving must be done.. haiz.. not easy right.. i noe.. but maybe its worth a try right..

Lately i haven been doing much.. got my bonus.. yeah yeah.. im rich.. but i dun realy noe wat to do for the money... maybe save it for my wedding.. or get myself a psp... which i have been eyeing for quite sometime...Me and reggie.. nothing much.. normal mushy mushy couple tings... but one thing is we trying to figure out what to do this new year.. my family wants to go overseas.. that means i have to spend my new year without my baby and this makes me sad cause he cant get leave.. wat to do.. maybe i shold try to come up with another plan.. wooh! ehehe.. anyways.. dunno wat else to blog.. been shopping alot.. tshirts..shoes.. what nots and all... okla.. ciao!~

PS.. MUNIRA PLEASE UPDATE YOUR BLOG NOW THAT YOU ARE MORE FREE AND COME MEET MEEE!!

This entry has no topic in particular as i just feel like babber... as normal.. farhana is the queen of blabeerrr..

Yesterday.. i did nothing much.. just went to tampines to go get my stupid singpass reset. i forgot my password... so went there..got it reset.. then went to meet my baby.. we walk around... did nothing in particular.. then went home..

Know something.. in the train.. when the two of us not really talking.. i like to check out the advertisement just for the sake of it.. and what i saw sets me thinking.. do u ever notice that all the ladies in the advertisement have nice long hair.. not one have short spunky hair unless its for some sports thingy.. isnt it abit stereotype?? There is this lady reading a paper and the advert puts..she is cooking her dinner.. its an adverstiement for some cooking appliance... and she has nice long hair.. another thing i notice.. all must be fair.. why cant they put a dark skin gal or something.. im not gonna sound racist or whatsoever... maybe its just there isnt enough of us to be put on the posters.. we are either not bothered or simply too conservative... hmm...

My baby has cut his hair.. in an attempt to look smart and nice for his job.. but.. it turns out.. his hair give him the boyish kinda look.. and his body seems to be building bulk.. Im loving every bits of it.. his boyish look is soooo cute.. lol.. u can see from the pics below that he does look abit boyish right.. my dear cutey pie...

Well.. the torture of my teeth wisdom tooth surgery is over.. and im back to work tomorrow.. im feeling soooo lazy to go back to work.. im used to the staying at home bit already.. haiz.. well here goes another hell trip... anyways.. i wonder what are my frens plans for the new year.. i dun seem to have any plans yet.. i am not sure if i have to work that is... haiz.. dunno what also la.. every year.. my new years eve sucks.. i will be either doign something stupid at malaysia like eating dinner at some gazebo.. or at some stupid place la.. but last year wasnt so bad.. we went to a club.. whole family went.. we dance sing and be merry..it was fun!! okla.. enough blabbering.. off to workkkK!!!

If anyone were to tell u that extracting a wisdom tooth is no pain... PLEASE SLAP THE FELLA AND LET ALL HIS TEETH COME OUT!! Yeah.. during the surgery..there is no pain.. of course.. they have to use necessary precaution so u wont feel any pain when they pull it out.. but once the numbness goes away.. of gawd.. the pain!!!!

Before i pulled it out.. i did ask several people about the pain.. they describe it to be painful and all.. so i kinda noe what to expect.. SO off to the dentist i went and took out the teeth.. all went fine.. until the numbess go away... the pain is unbearable at first.. then after that it was fine.. i took some painkillers and have to make sure i dun eat on the left side... it was ok...

Next pain i have to go through is the pain of staying at home doing nothing.. im on mc for 5 days and im not going out anywhere.. i dunno what else to do.. my jaanu have been kind yesterday to come and see me after work...

He just started work at this new place and he look so damn handsome in this get up.. i love it when he cleans up and look good.. he ate dinner.. spend time with me and my family.. gave me a get well soon kiss and leave romantically.. haiz.. i love u la jaan jaan..

Right now.. im all alone at home.. nothing to do.. so boredd... and i dun really want to think about the pain.. cuase it will make me more worried about it.. BOREDDDD!!!!!

Lets get u in on what i did today.. I WENT SWIMMING WITH MY JAANU!!!! We were kinda lost at where to go today.. When I woke up in the morning.. the weather was sooo hot.. and i have been wanting to go swimming since god noes when.. so i beg him to bring me go swimming and him being the sweetest thing on earth brought me SWIMMING!! So off we went.. with matching jaan jaanu tshirts.. and back packs and all.. we went to bedok interchanged.. bought lunch which is macdonalds... took bus No197..Perfect DaY!


In the bus.. we decided that the stupid bus was taking far too long to get to Jurong East Swimming Pool.. So we dropped at kallang and took the MRT there.. its actually faster.. trust me.. we reach there within 25mins.. so fast!! then upon reaching there.. me being childish and ultra happy already start jumping up and down.. lol.. happy mah!! like small kid!~ Happy as i was.. showered him with lots of kissies...


We swam.. had fun.. on the floats.. when on the slides and all.. had soooo much fun.. of course.. we just can keep our hands off each other.. we are really so much in love.. lol.. im so happy even as im typing out this blog.. THANK YOU GOD FOR SENDING SUCH AN ANGEL TO MEEE!! he is sooo sweet.. we went around the lazy pool.. sat in the jacuzzi for so long.. admiring small children as they are soo cute in with their small bikinis and all.. haiz... then we took some time to camera whore.. and then went home.. and rest... here are the pics.. my special fav is the jaan jannu tshirt pic.. it's symbolic.. i got it for his as an anniversary gift.. it suited us.. and we love it.. you can see our hands are protecting each other.. we belong to each other.. no one can come and tear us apart.. NO ONE!! so its noe of u people business aite.. its our love story.. our kahani... our story...

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