Firstly, I want to apologize to Gomez about what had happened today.. Look.. I dunno what it is okay.. its just that we are both on different sync.. I seriously had something on today in the afternoon thats why I totally forgot.. And you could have called me and remind me or something and not just wait.. a single sms wont kill am i right.. but im also to be blamed.. haiz...

So with no plans made after my appointment in the afternoon at the granny's... I went to Toa Payoh and met up with a fren,David.... He had just finished skewl and decided that hey..since there is nothing on.. why not we go out..so i tot.. hey why not..

So we went to catch a chick flick which HE DECIDED but blame it on me cause he claim my expression was all about that stupid movie.. Its called Sex and the City or some crap.. Oh gawd.. it was HORRIBLE and DRAGGY!! The two of us were more interested with the flies that were in the theater rather then the movie... we were so fidgety...there were a few couples infront of us..but no action....Bored!!! There were some touchy scenes la.. nice.. alot of asses and tits too.. its a M18 movie.. so there.. after that we hang out awhile and head home.. so here i am typing things out...

So..How do i find David? Well.. one weird thing was.. we share alot of same views and our conversations keep on getting heated up with excitements... like religion and certain aspects of life... we can click well and topics in conversation is never a problem.. nice chap...

The thing is right..lately.. There are guys in my life who wants to get to noe me and all.. and im fine with is..as long as we are frens.. but i dun like it..when they start to think that I have to fall for them and like MUST turn to love... well.. NO... I just ended a major relationship and i am not really interested to start a new one unless i find the person really really suitable.. And why would I want a similar relationship to my past with the same rules and regulations and expectations and all.. if thats what i want..then might as well i stay with him right... whats the point of moving forward...dun expect to get from me what i have given in my previous relationship.. u will only get what u deserve from me...Dun Force me into things... let nature takes its course... I aint interested in anything right now.. so please.. be frens with me and dun make things messy...You noe who u are!

Okay people.. so whats been up... Well.. i really got to try to start my ippt training man..its coming.. this June 13..then up is my shooting this friday... haiz.. dunno if can make it anot.. shall try my best though...

Oh yeah..before i forget and go on babbling.. Good Luck to Rajaie and Mrs Rajaie on their upcoming wedding.. I wish you both all the best in life and all u do will be succeed... Make beautiful babies and multiply the singapore population... All Da best.. Dun worry.. I haven been cursing or whatsoever.. im a mature adult who DUN publish rubbish on the net and let people have stupid perception on u after our break up.. Im civilised and not CHILDISH!!

Good that you found someone ur mum like.. GOD.. SHE really is the DEVIL that wears Prada..lol.. Okla.. enough said.. all da best okay!!

So whats next... Well.. I dunno what to do this weekend.. real bored.. my body aches la.. from all the running and shit.. i feel like getting a massage... any nice place to intro people??

The other day.. my dear Gomez.. wanted to surprise me and bring me out... so after so long i met up with him.. nice chap... and u guys noe what he surprise me with?? It was one of the most romantic days of my life..

He got no driving license..(i dunno why my fate..all the men i noe dun drive! if they do..they suck!!) Anyways.. he brought me to this javanese theme massage place.. the place is well done and beautifully decorated in a javanese theme.. they offer all kinda massages packages and all.. wonderfullll!! I was apprehensive at first but since he went thru so much trouble of booking and all.. so i went along.. the massage was WONDERFUL!! of course.. they emphasize on privacy so i got a corner to myself.. no one around..only me and the lady.. she massages from head to toes..even the toes.. i couldnt stop giggling...lol... He had told me before the surprise that i would be thanking him alot after it...

And boy did i thank him.. i keep on saying it until he told me to shut up...After that we went to this ultra romantic dinner place.. outdoor setting with salsa latin music at the background.. the food was unique and delicious..the lighting.. candles everywhere... privacy... if u want to propose a gal.. PLEASE bring her there.. its sooo romantic.. the service is wonderful too... I think its at Rodchester Road or something.. i dunno how to spell it.. we ate till our tummy ache.... its wonderful... thanks dear for that night.. u are a true fren... Well....since then... im kinda addicted to relieving massages... I planning to ask syera to go this sat.. i got this 2 free packages at some spa.... will write about their services once i go and check it out okay.. till then..take care people!!

All About Me

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Time Check: 3am. Where: In Bed..Just got back from Sekar's bday. How was it: WONDERFUL!!!

Lemme tell u peepz whats happened.. I just got back from Sekar's 22nd bday.. IT WAS FUN FUN FUN!!.. I went to fetch Sekar and Sathish at woodlands at about 6pm. Sorry guys.. Im late.. I got lost.. how am i to noe my way around woodlands when i seldom go there...after that head over to yishun with sathish giving me directions and fetched vengki from his camp... This Vengki.. same as old days..through out the journey cant keep his yap shut!! Cuteness..

Finally..We reached..settled down and all..then me, Sekar and Aloy went to white sands to get more necesities...then head over to changi village for more necessities and head back to the chalet...As usual.. Our firestarter Venga..started his skills.. sweat like nobody's businesss together with his two side kicks aloy and sathish..it was comedic looking at this 3 people...

Soon enough the fire was burning.. the food is cooking..the mood sets in... When we were there..the sun was setting in...and i was enjoying the view.. it looks beautiful.. I have never been to changi sailing club.. its so beautiful... You noe.. as I sat there.. looking at the scenery.. funnily.. nothing of my past came to make me sad or make me think... instead.. i feel normal and serene.. feel at peace with myself.... even when i make myself to think of "him"...nothing... no pain..no stress.. no fond memories or whatsoever..just calmness.. I was proud of myself.. very proud.. I am happy that i am not a wreck...

Soon enough..the rest of the jing jang clan came over.. we ate.. we laughed we drank...( i didnt drink.. i had to drive remember.. ) Aloy suddenly has this idea that i am too thin... he kept putting more and more food on my plate.. i wanted to explode... too much food is bad... luckily i had the chance to push it all to Venga..he needs it more.. NS Man... lol..

Then at around Midnight, Yoga, Murali, Dave and their fren called and needed help coming over cause there is no more bus.. so off I went with venga to tampines to fetch them.. we were also looking for slippers for Melvin as his slippers had torn and this fella is actualy walking around bare footed.. ahahaha..nice chap.. first time meeting him but talking as if forever...

Soon enough I had to leave.. cause of course.. my mum would kill me if i come back anytime later.. haiz... Vengki walked me to a car... with a peck on a cheek.. put me in the car.. and waved me off..and I went home with a smile.. it was nice meeting all this people after so long.. all their nonsense and their useless jokes.. i love them all... it was really nice.. this get together was fun..

Although.. I didnt get to say goodbye to my bro sekar cause he was wasted.. i find it horrible of those 2 idiots who made him get so drunk that he couldnt enjoy his bday much.. stupid people... i dun like u!! Other than that.. it was fun.. Sekar, Im glad u made me came.. u were right.. none of u will ever let me fall flat on my face... there is surely someone who will bring me up..

I chatted with my dad too.. he asked me hows life and everything.. of course i told him everything and he hoped im hapy with my decision and of course i am.. its much better and i feel much better after 2 years.. haiz... well.. life is like that.. now i live life for myself and no one else.. of course.. me immediate family too... no more relationships for farhana for a long time to come.. and it feels GOOOD!~

Okie.. what have i been up to...nothing much....last week went for tea party.. i fetched shamini from her work place...got totally lost then finaly make it at NYP.. its was fun i get to meet all the ex students.. my old frens...get to meet them all back was nice.. it was fun...

Other than that what have i been up to.. nothing much.. i have been going to the gym.. i can feel my tummy is much slimmer now.. lol.. gym really help one release all the stress they have...

Lately i have been feeling alot of stress.. but i wouldn wanna bother u with my problems in a blog.. interested..call me.. maybe u can help me out..who noes.. .ahahhaha.. no la.. no one can help me out..im in this all alone.. i got to solve it myself..

Last first off... syera asked me out to go double O.. i didnt feel like it.. so i didnt went..now i really feel like going to destress..it would be fun to dance off all my troubles..the other night i went with the female POs of Foxtrot.. all gals outing... IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!! We went to ST James...it was wonderful...Babes..we should do it again soon..Anyways congrats to the gals who achieved their silver for ippt.. i wish i could run with u people but i had to run home as usual cause people just cant see me happy and would love to wreck my life.. i dunno how else to handle this... Haiz...

Sekar bday is coming... im looking forward to it.. it would be so much fun..the same batch from NYP will be there.. will be fun...WOOH!! I cant wait.. Sekar has been realy a good support for me...I loved him to the core..he is the best brother any gal in the world would love to have...

Lately, thanks to his influence.. I am thinking of taking my degree..but it would be in the psychology line..it would sure help me in my line of work... get myself a degree...the cost would definitely kill me.. but i will work my way to it.. i have confidence...Now in my life.. i am no longer interested in relations...after what happened today.. i had a heart to heart talk with my mum... i promised her so many things and this time i wont let her down.. i am going to be somebody...

Farezah.. Im on long leave this 30th..Make plans..shall we go KL? Im dead bored over here in Spore.. not only bored.. Im SUFFOCATING!!! MAKE PLANS!!

Okla people..thats all for now..adios..

Hmm..as usuall... evry entry i make is always a blast.. will either kena farked or get alot of comments... basically i have reach a point in my life where everything is a confusion..thanks friend for all ur valuable advises... i know all that u are saying..sometimes saying is easier than doing.. u try and do what ur saying when u are in my shoes...difficult right...

Basically..life.. i have been keeping to myself much...haven been doing anything.. staying at home.. watching online movies...going out with my family...thats about it... im taking time out for myself from everything..family, partner and friends... im just relaxing.. this in turn had helped me alot at work...since i am alot calmer... i am able to concentrate more.. much more... my work has improved alot...even alot of people have said that and i am happy of course...

I have planned to stay in the police force for many years to come... i dun think i will budge... will stay put..either in this department or another... like my mother in law used to say... do what she wants to do... dun ask her to give herself more headache... i think she is right for once... well... i haven been up and about much...so im planning to head to the gym more and actually make use of the membership payments... would want to excercise my confusions away...woohooo... thats all la for today...aint got nothin much to talk about la lately...bye..

BLOGGING... What is blogggin all about?? To me.. it is where i share my thoughts anger happiness..whatever i want to share... OPENLY... but well... LIFE lately just sucks...

I really miss my old life... before working life.. during skewl life.. the whole skewling life... it was where all i had to do was think of myself... think of getting ahead... nobody stopping me what i should do and what not to do... of course.. there is my parents.. but they are rationale enough to let me do what i know is right... let me make my own mistakes and move on... scolding of course will be there la.. will kena...

Nowadays.. its like what i do.. i have to think so much about it.. soooo much... Have to think of parents, have to think of fiance... got so much to think about... sometimes... wait.. most of the time.. i cater to them more then i cater to myself..

I met up with a fren.. who told me.. at my age.. he has already seen what is life... I then asked him.. what is life.. he asked me this... am i happy now?? I said no... have i gone out and trully enjoy myself without any problems or fear.. I said no... have i done something that when i look back i will remember fondly of it.. I said no... will i look back one day and say...Gosh.. i should have done that... I said Yes.. there are so many things that i want to do but i cant..

Now.. I have a new job offer...If u ask me.. its what i want to try.. yesh.. i admit i am scared shitless of this new post... but i would like to give it a try.. there are seniors there who are willing to show me the ropes.. So.. I want it... THEN i asked my parents... they support me.. go for it.. so one stone down.. i asked fiance..he say no.. dun like.. once again.. i am in the position of catering... who should i cater?? listen to myself? listen to him?? listen to parents?? this is constantly the issues.... this is just one of the example.. there is sooo much.. life is never as easy as saying.. yes lets do it.. or no i dun want...

I love music... Music is my passion... As such.. I love clubbing.. been a few times with my cousins and brothers..and of course my fiance.. there are times when i go there and i just love to let loose of myself.. dance and be merry... of course.. i drive.. so i dun drink.. wont touch it.. it is nice to go there without being judged... with people i trust of course.. and since i am engage.. would i be in the right mind to go make friends with other people?? I m tired of always kena judged...

I am tired of always have to solve issues after issues.. I am tired of catering to others... I am tired of life... I am tired of constantly have to explain my situations... I am tired of life... I am just simple TIRED... no amount of sleep can ever perk me up cause of all this burden on my shoulder.. I am always tired cause I have to endure and think about so many things..

Yeah u might advise me to settle them.. I tried... yeah.. lets settle.. but after a few days only... things would go back the way they were.. and once again.. settle settle settle.. no matter if im tired or sick or whatever.. I might get `12 hours of sleep everyday.. but still why are there dark circles under my eyes.. cause.. im tired?? YES... tired of life... When i go out.. i dun like to walk around much.. or abit abit tired.. YES.. cause my mind is overexhausted.. not my body... Im just SOOOO TIREDDDD!!! You seee... now im just awake from sleep.. a full 12 hours sleep.. but instead of feeling rejuvenated... guess what... TIRED!!!!

Shit after shit keep happening... Readers.. if u are ever feeling lonely.. BUT u got no problems..noo headaches.. not many people to answer to... well.. count urself LUCKY and go make GENUINE frens.. Life would be a bliss.. Dont get commited to someone at a young age.. go enjoy ur life.. do what u want to do.. without the stress.. then later on in life.. when u think u had enough.. then settle down.. for me.. its abit too late.. i already took the step... so i just have to move on.. there are alot of BIG mistakes i make in life.. and i learned from it.. but i cant undo it.. whats done is done... i cant even rectify it... such is my life... TIRED life... I only thank god that i have the best dad in the world.. his words and sometime actions are like massaging hands on my heavily burdened shoulders.. He knows what is right.. he saw me grow up.. he noes what kinda of person I am.. he knows he can TRUST me and do what i know is right... I am so grateful for that... I told him.. I am going clubbing with a grp of friends yesterday.. he never even say anything much.. just say that he thought we could have a nice chat tomorrow night but then ur going out.. okla.. thats all he said... that is love.. that is trust... that is everything to me... Well.. right now the man i love the most is my dad.. and i wish.. I had just listen to him when i was younger and follow it.. I still remember.. I was 17 and i wanted to go out.. he said... "I wont let u go now.. later when ur older u go..." Then i said.. When i get married my husband will let me go" he said" your husband will control u more then i do la..." i laughed and say if that were to happen i will throw my husband away.. at that tender age.. it was all a joke.. but right now... its a reality... haiz..... I know.. I am going to get more stress from this single blog entry.. BUT I DUN GIVE A DAMN.. I just want to let it all out.. TIRED~~ DEATH will only take this BURDEN away....!~

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